So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
