"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I need help removing her.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
