My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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