Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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