dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
