There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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