His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
