First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
