i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
honey bunches of taint.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
