you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
