Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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