So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
i now understand why vodka
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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