dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
