no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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