If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
