dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Dicks are not precious.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
