i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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