if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
