well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
