The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
