Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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