How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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