I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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