I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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