I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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