you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
