how hairy? two words: wookie tits
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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