would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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