how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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