Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
