GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
