Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Barsexuality is the new black.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
