A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
