Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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