watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
