She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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