I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
