so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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