dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
