Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
