dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
FUCK WHALES
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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