i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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