I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
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And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
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He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Text me some of your sweat
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