Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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