is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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