funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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