I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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