I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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