I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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