Will you blow on my dice?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
