I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
