Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
