That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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