This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
