Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Randomize
