At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
