Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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