But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
