somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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