How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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