Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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