cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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