Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
