Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
