I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
