So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
