Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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